Tomato red.

I decided to go shopping briefly for something special. I went into a variety of shops and automatically my thoughts became silent.

"Hello There" 

I turned around and it was you, you were practically eye to eye with me. My face became as red as a tomato and I couldn't think anymore. I literally said, Uhm Hi, just as a quick reaction. I wanted to walk off; I didn't want to be here! I was embarrassed to find that I was going to be spending at least the next five minutes with you. How was I supposed to stop being red and ignore your insistence? 

I couldn't help myself, you continued to talk and my blood rushed around faster. You finally said bye and it left me puzzled, however not as puzzled as my audience. Are you Okay? 

I replied yes, I'm fine. Just fine. I embarked on the journey to my car, still knowing I'm a couple of steps from you, I could catch you up and offer you a lift, BUT I'd be expecting the same reaction I had a few seconds ago. I stayed put and you turned a corner, I could breathe again.

I locked myself in my car and wanted to cry. My face throbbing and my heart being generous with blood. I didn't want to go home, I needed time to myself. I drove the long way home and opened the window to ventilate my skin. I breathed heavily and hoped I could disguise my tomato red completion.

To this day I still question this, why did I react like this! 

I remembered a brief encounter I had with someone a while ago and I remembered it clear enough to make me feel physically sick. I would never do that again, even if i was that drunk. My thoughts matured and I decided to think about the future. I just can't stand people who lick arse and moan considerably amount in a deed to themselves to be an over dramatic attention seeker.

Martin Luther King once said: 'A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.'

This to me proves a range between being a follower and finding ways to blag yourself into being a leader, instead most of us would lead by example and show others how its done whilst working hard and being humble to others opposed to being fake, feeble and vixenish. I'm sure we all know somebody like this who is to big for their boots and will always have that state of mind. Lets hope they see reality before it comes and bites them on the arse- even though they like licking arse non-stop, they might like this. 

1/3 of a year gone.

I've decided that i have found a spare few minutes to write something on here. Its been a rarity that i can even bring myself to write something- apologies. We've all been in the position already this year where most of us have given something up or just failed our new years resolution. I have refused to give up anything. This is because I think that if you give it up now what's the point? you only live once- just do it.
(Just dont do it if it involves murdering someone - which in my defence I wish it was legal to, some people get on my nerves)
On that note- I must find time to vent my anger for a few people who have casually made me realise what complete and utter retards they are. They have most consistently made me think of a new definition of IDIOT.
I wont name names for obvious reasons but I wont let these 'people' bring me down. Its not worth the hassle that you want so what's the point.

Lets move on- This year i am coming up to 20 years old. It saddens me as i wont be able to call myself a teenager any more. But none the less i cannot argue that i have in fact lived most of my teenage life- as a teenager! Im not going to settle down with a family and start a life with somebody. Sadly that isnt me.
I have respect for people that can do that none the less, its just something im not ready for. I can't even look after myself half the time.
In these 20 years I have learnt the most I may intentionally learn.
Learning to walk, Getting a job, Finding out what profanities are. You get the picture.
This makes me laugh :) ( i dont have acne on my back- i promise)

It makes me want to learn more and more- if anything.

I just want to round this off. I want to say to my friends (if they still read this ballocks) that Im still here and they should drop me a message sometime. I miss you. I feel like a recluse!

Hopefully I wont post this much waffle again but its a SMALL starting point ;)
Lots of Love <3