I sit here listening to Papa Roach. The sun outside is shining; scorching the ground. My dogs struggling to suvive outside in these 'extreme' british conditions - Im stuck inside with the luxurious luck of the fan spinning 90 miles an hour above me. The summer is filled with pesky children up at 8am running around the streets while im either getting ready for work or laying in bed nursing my self after the heavy night beforehand.
This summer has no guidelines - essentially im stuck working or living life as a simple nineteen year old. I should be learning about myself and taking up new hobbies and becoming 'aware' of myself. The only reason im not engaged in learning about myself is that i've already done that during my first year of university - the peak of being a fresher. I've learnt what my body can handle and what i cant physically do as a person - thats my huge learning curve which ill have to renew sometime soon.
Friendships and life itself should blossom but it isnt. Im stuck in a damn routine which im made to believe im just 'living'. It has its ups and downs but i tell you- when its at its 'low' it really is at its LOW. God knows when this will stop- momentarily filled with fake smiles and biding my time with music and passing the time with a single cigarette.
