granted.

I thought I'd start writing about something we all take for granted. (most of us anyway, including me)
I love my car. It's my first car and I'll always remember it. Everyone I know has given their car a name, I struggle to find an appropriate name for my little silver saxo. People have tried naming it for me but nothing seems to catch on. I've even tried being boring and gave it the name saxy! Even that sounds odd. How do you name anything these days anyway? How do babies even get their names. When you name something, most of the time, it doesn't get an opinion of it's given name. It's always up to the person who's got the authority. I mean a baby doesn't come out and say 'Look, I hate that name, call me Susan.'  that would confuse everyone. 

I take my car for granted and damn do I feel lazy for going out of my way just to drive to work even though it's ONLY a 40 minute walk. But to be fair, given the chance, I'm sure 8 out of 10 teenagers would be the same. Even in such cold weather! Fuck walking at 6.30 in the morning! 

I hate work. It makes me so horrendously tired. I always come out of work lacking in energy and when I get in I have to curl in bed. It's always so tempting to drift off to sleep but I never sleep at a fixed time anymore. It's always whenever. For example. I came in from work at 5.30 and made dinner. I left my housemate and laid upstairs. Before you know it, 9o clock I'm fast asleep and now I wake up at this ridiculous hour. 

What's wrong with me!

help me.

Being so awake at such horrendous times makes you appreciate sleep more. I have a decent day planned but it'll be hard not to yawn and feel relatively tired. After waking up with some images in my head which I didn't want, it makes you suffer inside. I need to completely move on this is ridiculous. I need some kind of game plan, my life is drifting nowhere. My life is inhabited by it's past. I need to get something amazing and new. Please let today help me entirely to find something new. 

After a long and eventful weekend it was time to finally process everything that happened, back home and at work. My muscles tightened and my eyes bloodshot and struggling to keep up. I'm dead practically. I can't focus and my body is on autopilot. How can I get out of such a mess? Im struggling when your on my mind.

I need to think logically and distract myself. This is going to be hard.

confusing and getting it all right combination.

Trying to figure out what you actually want is quite hard. It's hard in terms of losing things you want more than other things. It's hard because you know there's consequences but you wanna know them before the worst happens.

Being so occupied with thinking of everything is very time consuming and tiring. I find it's even more hard to concentrate while your actually trying to live an everyday life aswell as having your mind set on other things. It's like you don't realise things are happening. 

This week I've Learnt a lot, my emotions have been up and down like a roller coaster. Its been From wanting somethings so much, and then for a split second, having them in the palm of my hands several times in the space of a couple of days. 

What a weekend

Wow, what a weekend. Honestly been an eventful weekend consisting of alcohol, marker pen and work. The oddest combination.  Well at least on the morning of when my coursework was due in, I can quite happily say. I submitted it 5 days before! Friday I finished uni, a pretty standard situation, when I got home two of my housemates friends where around. I seemed to be awake and not tired, we stayed up and decided to retire to bed for a further day of shopping. Saturday we decided we'd wake up early and buy some clothes for a themed bar crawl called carnage. 

Over the past two days I have learnt that Carnage is actually the messiest night I've experienced with alcohol. After working a 9 hour shift on Saturday, it was time to get messy. We all brought bottles of drink over mine, pre-drinks galore. Then came all of us girls with heels, showers and false eye lashes. Eventually we where all ready to leave. Most of us were tipsy and confidently walking to the taxi in heels. Drink after drink, this evening was turning into a blur, we ended up in liquid and I got lost. I was so drunk and unable to walk (barely) I just remembered this guy taking me outside. He was nice but showed me to my housemates. They where relieved to see me in one piece. My night was over. 

Monday morning was a struggle, I actually had a 8 hour shift ahead of me. I woke up faceplanted in my bed. I woke up early, my mates where still up, I had near enough no sleep. I dragged myself to work, my nose smelt the alcohol and cringed violently as my empty stomach churned. God help me.

I got a taxi to work, I wasn't gonna risk drink driving, that's the last thing I want. To be pulled over, loosing my licence and regretting the bottles of drink I'd consumed in the previous night. I arrived at work and it was hard, the battle to actually be a manager while I felt like this was terrible. I was in the freezer, minus 18 degrees. I froze. Time dragged and I begged for the pace to speed up. I finally got up and decided to go home. Hungry and exhausted I eventually became overly tired and died inside.
What a weekend. 

hallowseve.

I started the week well and went to Oxford to celebrate my Halloween festivities! I wished I'd dressed up, but I didn't have time! Lucky I had work off!! First off I drove to Guilford to pick up some friends, the drive was so boring! Staying on one motorway for an hour and a half makes you so sleepy! On the way through Hinehead there where intense roadworks (again) so it turnt my 40 min drive into a hour and half!! 

I got to Guilford and went straight to Oxford. The drive was straight forward, even though I had a cheap sat nav. This sat nav was so cheap, my iPhone screen is bigger! We got to Oxford and grabbed a subway for our hungersome bellies. The queue for the gig at Regal, was insane already! It was 4o clock, the Doors didn't open till 7!! Most of them where dressed up, waiting for various Halloween bands! 

The hours went past quickly as we watched young 14 year olds in the queue attempting to make themselves drunk. Wkd and breezers made them tipsy, it was always fun to watch. 

The relief as we started to move. I was getting sick of this fake 'emo' bitch, trying so hard to get a lift off me after. She had known me a total of 10 mins! FINALLY We got inside, older people got drinks at the bar and we filed ourselves directly to the front. 

As the place filled up, the tighter you got squashed. You where forced into the back of someones head or someones arm pit. I pushed myself to the front bar, this was amazing. 

Firstly Deaf Havana came on first to set the mood. I couldn't understand a word they said!! The Blackout made the crowd go wild and the emo from the queue had already crowd surfed and been kicked out atleast 4 times!

Finally the momentum built up and Kids in Glass Houses came on. We saw the lead singer down atleast 3 bottles or beer to comfort himself as he literally acted crazy on stage for entertainment purposes. 

You Me At Six came on and the all the fans immediately got excited! The feeling you had when they came on was amazing because it felt unreal. For me it felt like I fell in love again. Something spontaneous and secretive as I was admiring the singers and guitarist. I felt smitten. For the younger girls it was one huge orgasm. The boys just followed the girls and got excitement from the interaction from the band. I hadn't felt this good in ages. I missed it. I loved every moment this band came on. I felt like I knew them. I felt wanted even though behind me stood a million more people!

The photographer caught my eye, as I enjoyed the music, he glanced at me and smiled. Politely I smiled back and he came over and asked me if I was having fun. This was very unexpected and I really couldn't decide if he was genuine or just done this at every gig. Eventually I got so thirsty and asked him to get me some water. He told me it wasn't his job and decided to wink!! When I finally got some water he said to me, how does it feel? With a cheeky wink. It made me blush but I couldn't draw my attention away from Josh Franchechi (lead singer).

I walked out of the venue feeling like I'd had a wild night of sex. I was satisfied. I'd wish it would never ended!